She talks to Rainbows...

Reflections on an odd tendency to not believe that people notice me, whether when physically present or absent, and to specifically not believe that people feel anything good about me.  I speculate that this could be due to a negative self-image and self-confidence deficiency, stemming perchance from my desire for perfection and knowledge that I can never be perfect.  Am I not important enough to be noticed?  To be liked or loved?  It remains to be seen whether this tendency will make the disappointments and complications of emotional life easier.  On one hand it deadens the sting of rejection or loss.  On the other, it keeps people at a distance, and it makes it harder to believe in the feelings and the people that are there.  The problem with a wall is that it keeps people out and traps me in.

Have I typed on this pecularity before? It feels familiar.